I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
this hospital has no fireball
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
