Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize