addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
