ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
