Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
