i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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