Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
