saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
