She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
