This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
