the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize