god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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