I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
