A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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