so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
