10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
