I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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