I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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