I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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