My liver just broke up with me...
People in love make me want to vomit
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
