I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
