Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
