Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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