I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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