what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
