My hand turned me down
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
