he thought i was a dude.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
