I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
