wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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