My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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