I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
