Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
