This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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