he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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