pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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