Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
