Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
