Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
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