I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
