If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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