I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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