She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
