he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
