i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
