May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
