The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize