I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
