well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
