Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
