I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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