i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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