Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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