He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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