dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize