I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
