He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
