Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dignity is for republicans.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
