Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
