I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
they need to just BURY HIM!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
