Need sex. Gaining weight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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