I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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