I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
