omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The best revenge is premature balding
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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