Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize