Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
